After a breakup, a number of things can happen. While some relationships end with both people quietly moving on, other breakups leave unfinished business. Whether you feel the need to apologize to your ex or have hopes of rekindling your romance, use these strategies to make sure your first contact after a breakup paves the way for healing what went wrong in your relationship.
Be Clear About Your Intentions
It is important to avoid reaching out to your ex until you fully understand your motive. This is because reaching out with the wrong intentions could harm your recovery. For example, getting over an abusive relationship typically requires completely separating while you heal from the trauma. Alternatively, reaching out may be a good thing if it helps you recover a special friendship. Once you know your intentions, be prepared to make them clear during your initial contact so that you don’t inspire your ex to hope for a reunion when you simply want to apologize.
Nervousness or fear of rejection could cause you to procrastinate on making that phone call or text. If you want to reach out, then it is also possible that your ex has thought about making contact, too. This is common in situations where intimacy issues in relationships led to the break up. You should also be aware that waiting too long could mean that your ex has moved on by the time you summon up your courage. Take action now and prevent dealing with feelings of regret for letting an opportunity pass.
Respect Their Current Status
People can have vastly different emotional responses to a breakup. If your ex is recovering from an affair that you had during the relationship, then don’t expect them to embrace your return with open arms. They may have questions they need answered, and approaching them with honesty is important. If months have passed, your ex may be in a new relationship or prefer being single. Prepare yourself for that, and don’t push renewing your relationship if it is clear that they have moved on.
Keep The First Contact Lighthearted
The first phone call or email is not the time to tackle the reasons for your breakup such as why you had difficulty overcoming commitment issues. Instead, keep your conversation light, and ask about how they have been doing. Keep in mind that it might be okay to broach your reason for wanting to reconnect, but let your ex take the lead regarding how deep you get into heavy topics such as infidelity.
Accept Their Response
Remember that regaining trust in a relationship takes time, and the fact that you broke up in the past reflects that there are issues that need to be resolved. It is always possible that your ex prefers to keep their distance, or they may claim that they just want to be friends instead of renewing the romantic relationship. Whether this conversation marks an ending or a new beginning, accept your ex’s response as valid and avoid pushing for something they don’t want to happen.
The desire to reach out to an ex represents that there is something about your former relationship that needs to be resolved. For some people, this may be a chance to renew the spark while other couples find that a final conversation is important for closure. By understanding your motive and following the communication tips you learn from Cuppls, you can ensure that reaching out to your ex is a positive experience.