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At some point in our lives, we may be faced with the complex issue of infidelity. Whether or not to take back an adulterous lover is a multipart question that requires you to analyze the many pieces of your love puzzle. Consider the following: How many times has your partner been unfaithful? How long have you been together? Will family members be effected? Does one action entirely redefine your perception of your partner?

Romantic relationships are as different as the people involved. When entering a relationship, it’s important to agree on certain parameters. Define exclusivity. What qualifies as cheating? Flirting? Sexting? Oral sex?

Let’s assume you’ve already defined boundaries and your adulterous partner broke one of the rules of exclusivity. Why did he or she do it? According to The Normal Bar survey results, the reasons people cheat are as follows: sexually unsatisfied or bored, high amounts of alone time, reunited with a former lover, and/or high sex drive.

Sexually Unsatisfied or Bored

The reasons for cheating are relatively superficial, but indicative of underlying issues – no excuse. For example, people who cheat due to sexual boredom need to communicate their concerns. Their relationships are lacking a communicative environment. The adulterous person might feel uncomfortable in voicing sexual concerns.

Majority of Time is Spent Alone

Physical distance becomes a barrier between loved ones. Workaholics and frequent business travelers can face many temptations on the road. The underlying issue is the need to take on excessive amounts of work and spend time away from family. Reducing travel time can help, but in a world with Skype and FaceTime, fun can still be had on the road. Relationships and families come with responsibilities, the adulterer may need to reconnect with those at home.

Reunification with a Former Lover

Former lovers come with romanticized memories. Throughout time, memories can become fragmented and unclear. When a current relationship feels or becomes especially trying, exes can be a tempting solution. Next to sexual boredom, ex-lovers were the second highest reason to cheat. Your partner should be cut-off from all former lovers.

High Sex Drive

Having a high sex drive may seem like an excuse, but it’s something that needs to be treated and maintained. Support groups exist for sex addicts and measures can be taken to reduce constant desire.

With effort, these issues can be combated; it’s your decision whether it’s worth the effort.

Hope exists for those who choose to continue with their relationship. In his book, Torn Asunder: Recovery from Extramarital Affairs, licensed marriage and family therapist, Dave Carder reveals four steps to infidelity recovery: forgiveness, rebuilding respect, building trust and love. Therapy is immensely helpful.


The path to rebuilding the relationship is long, but can be rewarding.


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