Some embers of love never really die out. Deep inside – beyond the what-ifs and if-onlys – is the burning core that can provide the passion behind a real relationship. And for some of us, that heat can last a lifetime.
Perhaps the “one” was a person in your life from way back when. They faded from your life at some point, but they never really left your heart. It’s always possible they feel the same about you.
The new age of social media has made it easier than ever to reconnect with people from our past. Starting over in a relationship requires the first step of reaching out and getting reacquainted, and that part is easier now than ever before. Then comes the real work of rebuilding a relationship that might not have been too solid to begin with.
There are some things to consider before setting your heart on rekindling the flames you felt all those years ago.
Why Didn’t It Work Before?
This is a natural first step before jump starting a relationship that stalled out and grew cold. Try to remember how they made you feel. Try to recapture the feelings that drove you away. Those will need to be addressed if you’re to have a relationship once again.
People enter and stay in relationships for a wide assortment of reasons. Often, there’s rationalization involved. People tell themselves – rationally – this must work. It could be money, image, ego, or just convenience. However, the rational basis to stay in a relationship can’t overwhelm the power of your own feelings.
If you are to be together, you have to want to be together. That’s feeling, not rationalization.
A good examination of feelings can prevent the recurrence of mistakes made years before. Maybe you don’t want to go back there, after all.
Was There Abuse?
Often, doors shut and should stay shut. That doesn’t mean we aren’t tempted to recover something thrilling behind that door. That “thrilling” thing, however, could be no more than abuse.
Abuse in relationships can create a hold on people that lasts a lifetime. A partner can become so accustomed to abuse that they actually miss those bad old days. This explains how couples can get back together after recovering from an affair and regaining trust in a relationship. Sometimes, they’re just setting themselves up for more infidelity investigations, and more abuse.
One of the most healthy relationship tips is to remember that you are a free person able to choose what’s best for you. Don’t punish yourself by revisiting your own abusive history, telling yourself it’s only fate. There is no fate – there’s only you.
Once You Start
If you’ve decided there’s something real at the heart of your yearning, and find out the object of your affection feels the same way, then by all means move forward.
Take the time to be honest with each other. Listen more than you speak. Let the relationship speak through both of you. Drain away judgment and work towards true intimacy that might have eluded you before. Sometimes the most important thing is just having something nice to say about each other.
A rekindled relationship can be the strongest and longest-lasting sort, if you are both honest. You had a chance to see what was out there, and you both freely chose each other a second time – or perhaps really for the first time.
Seek Help As Needed
As you rekindle your romance, a compassionate and experienced guide to help you make things stick. The professional relationship counselors at Cuppls can help you both regain the trust and communication necessary for a strong relationship. Cuppls can help you better appreciate the warmth of that still-burning ember as it rekindles into a long-burning flame.