Relationship challenges come in many forms, but one of the biggest issues is when your and your partner’s sex drives are not the same. Sex is a very important part of most relationships because sexual connection makes couples feel happy, loved, and committed. When you and your partner feel differently about sex, tension often develops and one or both partners may begin to feel unappreciated or unloved.
Resolving sexual differences is sometimes difficult because people are afraid of being rejected by their partner. What’s more, the issue is often extremely emotional and even sometimes seen as taboo. People have different attitudes about sex and do not always feel comfortable talking about sex generally or may not know how to bring up a difficult topic like that with a partner.
The good news is that all relationships thrive on compromise, and sex is an area where couples can usually find a happy compromise if they make the effort to discuss the issue, try to understand their partner’s feelings, and to try to reach an agreement that will make both people happy.
Recognize how you feel about sex
First, you should individually think about how you feel about sex, how often you would ideally like to have sex, and the reasons why you feel the way that you do. You cannot assume that your partner feels the same way that you do. Many people do not understand where their own feelings about sex come from and why they have those feelings. When you understand your own feelings better, you will more easily understand your partner’s feelings and what will make each of you happy. Many people have deep feelings about sex that come from religious, family, or societal views. There is no right or wrong view, and the most important thing you can do is stay open to understanding your partner’s view.
Talk to your partner
Once you understand what your own feelings are, plan a time to talk to your partner about sex. You should begin the topic gently and explain to your partner why you want to talk and what you hope to accomplish by talking. The best procedure is to highlight the positive aspects of your relationship and explain how you think talking will make your relationship even better. Plan a time without interruptions or stress, and when it is convenient to talk. Also, make it very clear that you want to talk about your sex life because you love your partner and love sex with him or her. Then stress that you think talking will make both of you happier and clear up any tension or misunderstandings that you may have.
When speaking to your partner, do not make accusations. Explain how you feel and why and then ask your partner about his or her feelings. To have a successful talk, you each need to ask questions of your partner and accept the answers in a non-judgmental way, without interrupting, before you begin thinking of the next thing you want to say. Many times, the message that you hear is not the message your partner is trying to send. After your partner makes a statement, explain what you heard and ask if you have the correct understanding. The more interest you take in what your partner says, the more he or she will feel appreciated and understood.
Understanding your relationship
When each of you has talked about your feelings and why you feel that way, explain how important the relationship is to you. Explain that you hope to reach a compromise where both of you can feel satisfied with your sex life. Talk to each other about different acts that you enjoy to find out whether there are activities other than just making love that can help you both feel satisfied. For example, sometimes activities such as kissing, touching, or intimate talk can make both partners feel connected, happy, and secure in the relationship, even if you have different sex drives.
You may not resolve everything in your first talk, and that is fine. As you end your talk, celebrate your progress together and leave the lines of communication open for future talks. Although most couples can reach a happy compromise on their own, sometimes you need to call the professionals. Here at Cuppls, we can connect you immediately with a warm and caring professional who can help you individually or as a couple with whatever issues you are working on in your relationship.