Falling in love is a beautiful thing, but it can also get complicated when things shift from getting to know each other to getting serious. On one hand, you want to take things a step further, yet you and your partner may worry about getting hurt. While no one can predict the future, there are some questions professionals recommend asking your partner and yourself before you make a commitment. As you consider moving forward in your relationship, use these questions as talking points with your partner to determine if you can look forward to a future full of happiness together.
Have we both healed from past relationships?
There is truth to the saying that old flames can still burn. If you or your partner is harboring strong feelings about past partners, then it can affect how you relate to each other today. Talk to your partner about how their last relationship ended, and ask yourself if you are both completely over your ex.
Is our relationship based on mutual trust?
Tough topics often come up in partnerships, and it is important to make sure that you and your partner can be honest with one another. Even the tiniest white lie can spiral into serious deception and chip away at the core of your relationship. Feeling the need to be dishonest could also signal bigger problems in your relationship. For example, hiding that you spent the night out with friends because your partner might get mad could mean that your partner is possessive.
Can we be ourselves around each other?
Everyone is on their best behavior when they first start dating, yet you should not be acting like someone completely took over your personality. You and your partner should both feel free to express who you truly are since that’s the only way to know that they really love you. A great way to check on this is to consider your comfort level with your partner seeing you sick or without makeup. If the thought of this person seeing you any less than perfect makes you squirm, then you may need to continue getting to know each other better before getting serious.
Do we agree on the big three: child rearing, finances and spirituality?
When serious means a major commitment such as engagement or marriage, there are big topics that should always be broached. Discuss both of your upbringings and find out what each of you would change about how you were parented as a child. Money and religion are both sensitive topics, but you want to know ahead of time if one of you is a saver and one is a spender. While it is okay to have differences, seeking relationship advice can help you make sure they don’t interfere with your happiness together.
How well do we handle disagreements?
That first fight as a couple is excruciating, but every relationship will eventually have some turmoil. What matters the most is how you work it out. Sure, kissing and making up is fun, but you also want to make sure that problems are resolved. Otherwise, they’ll keep rearing their ugly heads. Discuss how you have handled problems in the past, and find out if you are both happy with their resolutions. This way, you can learn to work out disagreements without them turning into a full-on argument.
Are your future goals compatible?
Although the early dating days can feel like a fairytale, it is essential to inject a little reality into the situation by talking about each of your future goals. As you do, try to avoid falling into a starry-eyed stare as you each talk about what you want for your life and really ask yourself if you could live with each other’s dreams. For example, marrying a professional athlete or firefighter can mean long days spent alone while your spouse is working. Alternatively, marrying an artist could mean being the sole breadwinner at first. Each of these is fine, but you want to know what you are getting into from the beginning.
Delving deep into how you and your partner respond to one another is the perfect way to find out if you really want to get serious. However, keep in mind that people and relationships do change. At Cuppls, you can always find advice from professionals who understand what you are going through. So, go ahead and reach out whether you are in the first days of dating or already moving into serious territory so we can help you keep your relationship on track.