You thought that you might feel your biological clock start ticking at some point, yet you never dreamed that it would be your parents who suddenly started pushing for you to have kids. As annoying as that could be, this is a common problem that many childfree people face. And those subtle hints in the beginning can quickly turn into outright arguments, if the constant requests for grandkids do not stop. Fortunately, by using the following strategies to make it clear that you will start a family when and if you choose to do so, you can salvage your relationship your parents, and maintain control over how big your family grows,.
Define Your Personal Goals
Standing your ground is always easier when you know exactly what you want. Having a baby is a huge responsibility, and it might not fit into your current plans for now, if ever. Sit down and make a list of the things that you want to do in life, such as finish school, reach a special point in your career, or even travel the world. If a baby fits into those plans, then consider when it might work best to try to get pregnant. While you don’t have to share these goals with anyone, knowing what you want gives you an edge when the conversation turns to your fertility, and your progeny.
Try to Understand Their Reasoning
As stressful as the pressure is, you want to keep in mind that your parents are likely acting out what they think are good intentions, like wanting you to enjoy the same special moments that they did as parents. They may even look forward to spending time with a little one who looks just like you did as a kid. Seeing your parents’ side of the issue softens some of the stress that their constant pressure generates.
Choose How Much You Want to Share
There are many reasons why people hold off on having kids, and it is possible that you have tried and experienced painful events that you prefer to keep private, such as a miscarriage. You may also worry about how a baby will change your current partnership. Alternatively, you may just prefer to focus on building your financial portfolio without the added costs of baby supplies. All of these things are moments in your life that you may or may not want to share with your parents. Remember that you are not required to tell them anything at all, but opening up about your reasons for being childfree could also change their perspective.
Reinforce Your Independence With Support
Many times, pressure to have a child comes from parents who also try to control other aspects of your life. For instance, your parent may try to arrange dates so that you’ll meet their idea of a perfect match. Alternatively, they may criticize your career choices or housekeeping. When you are dealing with this type of scenario, it helps to seek advice from our relationship experts here at Cuppls who can help you learn how to cope with your family dynamics.
Assert Your Right to Make This Decision
Your parents spent years deciding every detail of your life when you were a kid. For some parents, it is hard to let go. However, you are now a fully grown adult with the right to make major decisions that affect the rest of your life. Remind your parents that they taught you good judgment, and you are the only one who can decide when and if you will become a parent. Be kind, yet firm, as you let them know that you will make them grandparents when you decide. Constant nagging will not play a part in your decision.
Whether your parents make subtle — or not so subtle — hints, there are few things worse than being pressured to have a baby when you are not interested. Knowing how to handle this sensitive topic with grace and diplomacy allows you to preserve your family relationships while standing your ground about the reasons you choose to stay childfree.