The pain of betrayal lingers long after an affair is over. Whether you have chosen to stay with your partner or find someone new, it is common for commitment issues to arise after infidelity. Being unable to commit fully to a relationship hinders it from making progress, and it can wreak havoc on both you and your partner’s ability to make plans for the future. As you work on healing, use these strategies to work on your fear of commitment so that you can enjoy a healthy relationship once again.
Recognize the Underlying Fears
A fear of commitment is rarely the true issue that is affecting your behavior. Instead, starting over in a relationship may have sparked other worries that exist deep within your heart. For example, opening yourself up fully may leave you feeling vulnerable to being hurt again. Alternatively, you may fear looking weak to others by being too trusting. If you were the cheating partner, then you may suddenly feel afraid of losing your freedom now that your partner is watching your every move. Once you identify the underlying fears associated with your commitment issues, you can begin working through them one by one.
Rebuild Your Self-Confidence
Cheating in relationships shatters your ability to trust your partner. Even worse, it shatters your belief that you can make good decisions. During the course of your partner’s affair, you may have found yourself questioning what you might have done to lead them to stray. Learning that an unfaithful spouse’s actions have nothing to do with your intelligence, appearance, and decision-making skills is important for regaining your ability in a relationship. Work on rebuilding your identity and self-confidence by talking to relationship counselors online so that you can move beyond your painful past.
Define What Commitment Means In the Relationship
Sometimes, commitment issues are due to confusion in the relationship regarding what each person expects from the other. For example, an unfaithful spouse may be confused regarding why it is taking so long for you to recommit now that they have expressed remorse for their actions. At Cuppls, our experts can offer invaluable relationship communication tips and advice that allow you to define what a true commitment represents to you and your partner along with finding ways to piece your partnership back together.
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Negative emotions such as jealousy can arise when a person is recovering from an affair that also generates commitment issues. While it is natural to worry about your partner spending time with other people outside of the relationship, it is possible that this is causing them to feel hemmed in. If you find yourself struggling with creating healthy boundaries in your relationship, then online couples therapy is an option that will let each one of you voice your own concerns such as controlling behavior that hinder you from being able to be comfortable in a committed relationship.
Take Small Risks to Build Trust
Regaining trust in a relationship is no simple feat. However, you can begin by focusing on times in the past when a small risk paid off by giving you the confidence to go for what you truly wanted in life. Instead of focusing on the huge commitment of investing all of your love and trust in one person for the rest of your life, simply stay firmly rooted in the present. The small risks you take, such as trusting that they will return home after a night out, will allow you to slowly rebuild a healthy relationship. Over time, making a commitment will no longer seem like such a risk as your partner demonstrates their faithfulness.
The ability to pick up the pieces and move on is not something that comes naturally after a betrayal. Often, commitment issues begin to rear their ugly head when you are afraid of falling in love again. While you can’t change your partner’s behavior, you can reclaim your confidence and ability to commit to love again by choosing to focus on healing from the insecurities left behind by a betrayal.