Because breaking up is heart wrenching, it can take almost as long as you were together to finally feel as though you have healed. Then, it often seems that right when you think you are over your ex, you see them with someone else and feel that terrible heartbreak all over again. Since no one wants to be that person who causes a big scene in public, it is important to be prepared for the inevitable. As you work on ways to get over your breakup, use these tips to keep it together when you run into your ex with someone new.
Focus On Self-Improvement
It wreaks havoc on your self-esteem when a breakup was not your choice. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, use your newfound time to improve yourself. Consider working through the reasons for your breakup by talking to a relationship expert here at Cuppls, or you can choose to use the time that you used to spend chatting with your ex after dinner to go to the gym and get in shape. Whatever you choose to do, knowing that you are a better person now helps you keep your confidence when you run into your ex later.
Remind Yourself of the Bad Times
It is easy to look at the past through rose-colored lenses. While you don’t want to ruminate on negative thoughts, it does help to remind yourself of why you two were incompatible. For instance, remembering that your ex’s new partner has to deal with that annoying sound they make when they chew or spend long hours alone when they stay out all night with their friends, makes it easier to deal with them starting a new relationship. After all, you no longer have to deal with those worries.
Stay Friends When You Can
There are times when you need to break off your relationship completely, such as if your ex was abusive. However, keeping things civil with your ex when you can makes it easier to handle the new things that occur in their life. For instance, hearing about your ex’s new partner may hurt, but having time to slowly get used to it before you meet them with your kids in town will make it far easier than being surprised.
Avoid Making Comparisons
So your ex’s new partner is gorgeous enough to be a model, or you heard through your friends that they have an amazing career. While everyone puts their best face forward, it is impossible to compare yourself to the new person. After all, they have their flaws, even when they are not obvious from a quick and awkward meeting. Try not to put yourself down by comparing the other person to yourself. Instead, remember that you have many wonderful attributes that are appreciated by the people who choose to stay in your life.
Find a Distraction
Seeing your ex with someone else for the first time could happen anywhere, especially when you maintain the same circle of friends or live near each other. The great news is that most meetings like this occur in public where there are plenty of ways to keep yourself distracted. If a meeting is unavoidable, keep it brief before moving on to something else. Whether you join a different set of people at a party or head to the opposite side of the grocery store, getting involved with a distracting activity can help take your mind off of what just happened.
Seeing your ex with someone new makes it clear that the relationship is over, but try to keep in mind that moving on does not mean that your old relationship never mattered. It just means that you have both entered a new phase in life, and you can successfully manage running into your ex and their new partner by focusing on resolving your issues as you strengthen your confidence. In fact, you might even find yourself smiling through the awkward meeting since you know that you have truly changed for the better since parting ways with your ex.