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A physical affair is fairly simple to define since it involves an act so obvious that it is impossible to deny. When it comes to emotional affairs, however, the lines sometimes get blurred since these often begin as simple friendships that get out of control. Today, emotional affairs are becoming increasingly common as people meet online and spend more time at work. While maintaining close friendships with other people is important when you are in a relationship, you may need to take a closer look if you notice these signs that you are having an emotional affair.

Does the Other Person Dominate Your Thoughts?

Your current partner should be the first person that you think about when you wake up, and planning what you will do together next should make you smile during the day. If this has been replaced by thoughts of someone else, then you may need to take an honest look about why this is the case. When someone is just a friend, they should not dominate your thoughts for the majority of the day.

Do You Feel the Need to Keep Things Secret?

Secretive behavior is one of the hallmark signs of an affair because it means that you feel like you are doing something wrong. Feeling like you have to hide phone calls or lie about who you ate lunch with are both big red flags that you might be slipping into an emotional affair. Spend a few minutes thinking about how honest you feel like you can be with your partner regarding the time that you spend with the other person. If you are hiding anything, then you should be concerned.

Have You Started Changing Your Appearance?

Most people have a desire to look good in front of others, but it is important to check to see if you have begun to take this to a new level. For instance, you might not want anyone to see you look when you first get up in the morning, but choosing to completely redo your makeup and hair before seeing your friend is a clue that you care more than you think about their opinion of you. Getting dressed up like it is a romantic date shouldn’t be necessary when you view someone as just a friend.

Are You Starting to Compare Them to Your Partner?

You love your partner and wouldn’t trade them for the world, but you can’t help but wish that they had the same sense of humor as your friend. Or perhaps you have started to fantasize about what life would be like if your partner loved the same movies or music that your friend does since they are more in line with your interests. It’s normal to sometimes find flaws in your partner, but comparing them to someone else is simply unfair.

Do You Share Intimate Details About Your Life With Someone Else?

Just think for a moment about who the first person is that you want to turn to with a problem. Is it your spouse, or do you automatically pick up the phone to text the other person? Have you told them things that you haven’t shared with your spouse? Feeling like someone else understands you better than your partner is never a good sign, and this is even truer if you share details about your sex life that you wouldn’t with any other person.

Do You Indulge In Fantasies About Your Friend?

Perhaps you have recently started wondering if they are a good kisser, or you might have even gone so far as to imagine what it would be like to actually date your friend. Fantasizing about someone else takes your mind away from planning how to enhance your current relationship. In fact, this is often a sign that your platonic friendship may be edging toward the temptation of having a full-on physical affair.

Emotional affairs can happen so slowly that you might not realize you are having one until it is too late. Sadly, these types of affairs can cause just as much damage to your relationship as a physical one. When you realize that you are entangled in an emotional affair, reach out to our counselors so that we can help you avoid falling into the trap of infidelity.


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