Couples sometimes hit a point in their relationship when both people need some space. Separating can be a positive thing that gives you both time to sort things out without the pressure of living together. With that being said, a separation can also be the final point where you both realize that you are happier living apart. While it is normal to hold out hopes that things will work out, it is important to remember that every relationship is different. Partnerships are often revived after lengthy separations. Taking these factors into consideration can help you decide if your current relationship is possible to rekindle.
Have You Talked About What Went Wrong?
Giving each other space is important, but you also want to avoid ignoring your past problems if you want to get back together. If you have spent hours in deep conversation with your partner about why you both felt the need to separate, then you are on the right track for reconciliation. However, refusing to talk about the things that hurt your relationship, such as infidelity or poor communication, only allows for things to fester until they bubble up again. Have an honest talk with your partner about your past issues to get a strong idea of where they are at emotionally regarding trying to make things work.
Are You Both Aware of What Has Happened During the Separation?
During the time that you were separated, either of you may have undergone changes that could impact a future relationship. For example, you will need to know if your partner has dated. If so, are they prepared to end any new relationships. Not to mention, are you okay with the fact that they spent time with someone else? If you did not set boundaries in place for your separation, there may be a few surprises that come up. While all of these things can be overcome, it could delay your healing if you suddenly find yourself caught up in feelings of jealousy or betrayal.
Are Kids Involved?
Many of the couples that do get back together decide to for the sake of their kids. While kids naturally benefit from having both parents together, you want to avoid making this your sole reason for seeking reconciliation. This is because resorting back to old behavior patterns only fills your family with the same stress that led to your break up in the first place. Then, seeking another separation or divorce only further throws your family into turmoil. When kids are involved, it is best to make absolutely certain that you are ready to give your partnership a try before you announce to everyone that you are back together.
Can You Both Deal With The Changes In Your Relationship?
There is no doubt that some things have changed since your separation, and you will need to do some serious soul-searching with your partner to determine whether the changes are good. For instance, one of you may have gone back to work, so the household dynamics will need to change to accommodate a second career. Alternatively, you may have found your confidence and have learned to be assertive to get your needs met. Spend some quality time together taking an honest look at how your life will be now that you both have changed to see if it is for the better.
Is Your Partner Willing to Work Through Issues In Counseling?
Old habits die hard and you do not want to risk falling back into the same negative patterns that caused you so many problems. Ask your partner to attend couples counseling sessions with you where you can improve how you communicate. Being willing to do so demonstrates a level of commitment to healing that shows promise for being able to revive the love and respect that you once shared for each other.
Whether you have been separated for months or are considering a separation, it is heartening to know that couples do sometimes manage to use the time to heal and seek reconciliation. By looking at your past and present relationship with open eyes, you can work with your partner to determine the best course of action for your family.