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If the Spark in Your Marriage is Gone

If your partner comes to you and suggests that your marriage has lost its spark, you may feel hurt, embarrassed, or angry. A marriage that has lost its spark is fragile and unless both partners work together to bring back the spark, the couple risks breaking up. Luckily, bringing the spark back to your marriage is not difficult if you and your partner work together and remember why you fell in love in the first place.

The Number One Cause of Losing Your Spark

Most couples start to lose the spark in their relationship without realizing it. With two working partners, kids, bills, a household to maintain, life can get in the way of you connecting with your partner. The two of you can become so wrapped up in daily life that you stop working on nurturing your relationship. Most people usually assume that losing your spark has something to do with the quality or frequency of sex, but surprisingly, the number one way that marriages lose their sparks is from lack of communication among spouses. When the lines of communication between spouses stay open, the partners feel more connected and comfortable talking about whether your spark is burning out. Even if you feel that your spark is barely still burning, it’s not too late. Sitting down and talking to your partner about your concerns can almost always get your spark back.

How to Talk to Your Partner About Reigniting the Spark in Your Marriage

Talking about relationship challenges is never easy, but especially when a relationship challenge poses a threat to a happy marriage, people can become cold, fearful, and defensive. So your approach means everything when you talk to your partner. Make your intentions clear to your spouse and explain why this issue is so important to you. When your spouse sees that you are coming from a place of love and have a desire to make your marriage better, your spouse will drop the defenses and the two of you can work together to regain that special something.

Ditch the Myths of What Marriage Is Supposed to Be

Too often couples have an unrealistic image of marriage in their minds. They expect the relationship to effortlessly maintain itself. Couples also fall into the trap of comparing their relationship to other relationships. No two relationships are the same, so focus on your relationship and what works for you and your partner instead of comparing your relationship to someone else’s. A successful marriage needs constant work, but if both you and your partner agree to do the work, you can transform your marriage into a better relationship than you thought possible.

Try New Things Together

When you and your partner were just dating, every moment probably felt exciting and you couldn’t wait to spend time with him or her. You constantly felt sparks, even in just a simple touch or kiss. However, as your relationship became more established, you may have stopped seeing each other as sexual beings and the newness wore off. You can get the spark back by trying new things with your spouse. New activities will remind you of the excitement of when you first met. Before you lived together you probably also planned your sex lives and felt the rush of anticipation, counting down the days to when you would see your partner next. Scheduling sex will help your spark come back quickly and you will probably feel like you’re dating again.

Keep the Intimacy Alive

Sex is not the only form of intimacy that helps relationships thrive. Kissing, touching and talking to each other will make you feel more connected and help reignite the spark. Taking a genuine interest in your partner and what is happening in his or her life will also bring back your connection. Sometimes we focus too much on ourselves and when we also expect our relationship to run on autopilot with no input from us, our partners start to feel lonely and unloved.


At Cuppls, our experts know how to help bring the intimacy and spark back to any relationship. If you worry that you’ve lost your spark, we’re here to help you and your partner get that spark back and have a truly happy marriage.


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