Relationships are hard. At times, they can be very hard. So even the best ones might need to find a marriage counselor or participate in online couples therapy. However, if there is abuse in relationships or abuse in marriage, just going to counseling may not be enough if both people aren’t willing to make a serious effort to change their behavior. An abusive partner or spouse needs professional help. Here are some signs that your relationship might be dangerous and it’s time to get out.
You might think it is all talk and he or she isn’t serious, but if violence is threatened, the time has come to leave the relationship. People don’t want to hurt people they love and care about. In fact, they often would risk their own safety to protect them. This time, the violence might be all talk, however, next time you might not be as lucky.
No matter what you do, you are never good enough. Your partner calls you names and belittles you. He or she makes sure that you don’t forget how ugly, stupid, and worthless you are. You are reminded of how “lucky” you are that they put up with you because no one else would want you or love you. If any of this sounds familiar, the time to end the relationship has come. Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
You have no control in the relationship. Finances, small and large decisions, entertainment choices – you name it – are all controlled by your partner without any of your input. At first, having someone take care of everything might seem like you are being taken care of and provided for. However, if your opinions and needs aren’t appreciated or considered, this might be the sign of an abusive relationship. If you expressing your views leads to threats or verbal abuse, see above, and again – run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
No matter what the situation, it is always your fault. He or she wouldn’t have said that, hit you, or acted that way if you hadn’t done ______________ (fill in the blank with whatever the action was this time). People are responsible for their own actions. In adult relationships, if you do something that doesn’t sit well with your partner, you talk about it and work through it. Sometimes one person is at fault, but often times, both people need to make some changes. If you are constantly being manipulated and made to feel that you are to blame for everything that goes wrong, it is time for the relationship to come to an abrupt end.
Jealousy and Isolation
These last two go hand in hand. An overly jealous and possessive partner seeks to isolate you from your friends and family and maybe even all other outside influences. He or she might tell you that they love you so much that they cannot bear to see you talking to other people. This can cause confusion by distorting the meaning of love. Love and jealousy are not interchangeable. Family and friends provide support, comfort, and advice. Do not give up their company for your partner. If he or she insists that you should or makes your life miserable when you socialize with them, please refer to all of the advice in the previous sections!! You know the drill.
If you are in an abusive relationship, the time to get out is now. Don’t risk your mental and physical well-being by staying. If you need assistance, reach out to someone you trust or a professional and let them help you. You deserve it!