While recovering from an affair, the hardest question to confront is usually, “How could I not have known?”
Often, there are signs of an affair staring us in the face while it’s in progress. It takes the final discovery of an unfaithful spouse to shake us into realizing what had been going on for so long.
Then, while we try to look for legal advice online, we have time to consider how we could have known in time to save the relationship.
Here’s a list of some of the most telling indications of a cheating spouse. Perhaps these will help you confront what’s going on before all trust is broken, and your only option is to seek legal divorce advice.
What Do They Keep Hidden?
People in relationships are still individuals and need their own space. However, if your partner’s space seems to extend beyond a few notebooks, a private corner or room, and some “alone” time, it can indicate that there’s someone else involved. Where are you not allowed to look? What questions are you not allowed to ask? What does your partner keep hidden from you? If you aren’t comfortable with the answers to these questions, it might be a sign something is up.
Is There Something Your Friends Aren’t Saying?
When out with friends and away from your partner, pay attention to their faces when the topic of your significant other comes up. What feeling do you get? Oftentimes, friends won’t tell other friends even if they know of cheating. This is usually out of fear of hurting you, hurting your spouse, or hurting the person they are cheating with – who might also be a mutual friend. Affairs go undiscovered for years because of the remarkable ability most people have of turning a blind eye towards things they’d rather not confront.
One very obvious sign of cheating is the unexplained absence, or the absence that gets extended without explanation. A business trip might be necessary, but honestly, very few business trips need to be extended through the weekend. The same goes for local trips to the gym, or to participate in a club or a sporting event. This isn’t to recommend keeping a stopwatch on your mate, but be aware that if they don’t keep to reasonable patterns of behavior, their behavior when not with you is likely not reasonable.
Who Are Their Friends Online?
Many people seem to live more online than offline. People can carry on flirtations with online “friends” they’ve never met, and perhaps never will. This goes for your spouse, as well. Entire affairs can arise from intimate online sharing that starts innocently enough. An online romance – even if never consummated in real life – can still cause trust and intimacy issues. It can distract your partner from their duties in your relationship. Be aware that your partner might say they are busy handling work emails, when the truth might be entirely different.
Sex is Bad and/or Infrequent, but “That’s OK”
Infrequent or bad sex (or even worse – infrequent sex that is bad) is never just “OK.” If you find your intimate pairings are miserable in one way or another when they happen, don’t kid yourself by thinking your partner is going without, even if they say “That’s OK.” Just because you’ve decided inadequate sex is all you expect from life doesn’t mean your partner has made the same bargain for themselves. Be aware of your partner’s needs and be ready to help to satisfy them, or else be ready to let them move on so they can be happy.
The compassionate, professional relationship counselors online at Cuppls can help you both come to terms with what might be happening behind the scenes in your relationship. Relationships do recover from infidelity. It’s best to confront cheating early and start regaining trust in a relationship. The investment you’ve already made in your relationship is well worth the time and effort.
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